The Bruces' Philosopher Song
Tune:  The Philosopher's Song 
 from 
 Monty Python 

There's nothing Neitszche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink, therefore I am."

But it's Socrates, himself, who's particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

Drink it down, down, down, down,